Fall 2021 | Occasus | Issue 11.2

Into the Water

Summer with Cam at her family’s cottage was chasing each other through the forest until we were left gasping for breath. Eating popsicles while sitting at the dock with our feet in the water, legs swinging. Watching the smoke trail up into the sky from where Cam’s dad grilled hot dogs on the barbecue. Setting marshmallows aflame and letting the melted chocolate drip onto our hands. We were fourteen years old and we were on fire.

At least, that’s how we felt as the sun blazed down like a flaming torch, burning up our skin on the hottest day of August. I rubbed the back of my neck and let out a sigh. “God. It’s too damn hot today.”

           
“I know, right?” Cam bounced up from where she sat next to me on the porch. “We should go swimming. That’ll cool us down.”
           
“Let’s go grab our swimsuits and I’ll race you to the water.” I jumped up onto my feet as well and dashed into the cottage.
           
“Girls! Are you going swimming?” Cam’s mom called out to us as we ran down the stairs in our swimsuits, holding our towels. She glanced at me and frowned. “You’re still wearing those swim shorts, Hope? I thought you’d have outgrown them by now.”
           
“I did get taller, Mrs. Brown,” I said, knowing fully well that wasn’t what she meant. “This is a new pair of swim trunks.”
           
She shook her head and turned back to the TV. Her face held the same look of disapproval from earlier in the year when she saw my former long locks chopped off and replaced with a short, simple cut. Cam, on the other hand, had gone up to me and ruffled my hair, giving me a wink. I ran my fingers through it as I smiled, her mother’s judgement becoming a minor detail in an otherwise pleasant memory.
           
“Hey! I didn’t say you could start already!” I sprinted through the door, trying to catch up to Cam, who gave herself a head start. The sound of her laughter mingled with the thumping of our footsteps as we raced towards the lake.
           
​“Cannonball!” Cam shouted as she plummeted into the water, the splash cooling my skin on impact.
           
I jumped in after her, wading around for a minute before turning onto my back, staring up at the clear blue sky as I floated towards the deeper end of the swimming area.
           
Cam bobbed up next to me and gave me a grin. “I win.”
           
I closed my eyes and yawned. “You cheated.”
           
She gave me a playful splash that landed on my face. “I did not.”
           
“Yes you did.” I tried to stand upright in the water but could only touch the bottom with the tips of my toes. Cam was standing just fine in front of me. Damn her for being taller. I splashed her.
           
She splashed back, and by the time I got the water out of my eyes, she had disappeared. I was scanning around to find her when two arms wrapped around me from behind, sinking me down.
           
I sputtered as I came back up and moved my wet hair out of my face.
           
“Boo.” Cam rested her chin on my shoulder from behind me. I whirled around and glared at her, causing her to burst out in laughter.
           
“That’s not funny.” I crossed my arms, which made her laugh even louder. I let out the most dramatic sigh I could muster, before I gave up my facade of anger and began giggling as well.
           
Cam interrupted my laughter. “I like your swim shorts, Hope.”
 
“Oh. Um, thanks.” I glanced down at them, toying with the bottom edge. When I looked up again, she had an intense expression on her face. I raised an eyebrow. Was there something wrong?
           
Cam shook her head and smiled. She waded closer towards me, her movements slow but purposeful. She placed her hands squarely on my shoulders.
           
And then she kissed me.
           
At first I was taken aback, but then I let myself soften against her. I wrapped my arms around Cam’s neck, trying to kiss her like how I saw people kiss in the movies, but it was hard to think over the pounding of my heart.
             
I was left feeling dizzy when she pulled back.
           
“Wow,” she said.
           
I just nodded, and she gave me a funny look. “What?” My voice sounded more defensive than I meant to be.
           
“It’s nothing, It’s just…” she paused. “Hope, was that your first kiss?”
           
I blinked. I had forgotten that Cam had a boyfriend last year in school. She must have done things with him that I’d never done with anyone. Something twisted in my chest.

“Yeah, I guess it was.” I shrugged, trying to make it seem like it was no big deal.
           
Cam grinned. “And how do you feel about a second one?”
           
The feeling of insecurity left me, and I broke out into a huge smile, giving an emphatic nod of my head. “Oh, yes.”
           
She leaned in again, and this time I was ready.
           
“Girls!” The word was laced in fury.
           
“Oh no,” I mumbled, pulling back from Cam and turning towards the source of the voice. I glanced at Cam, and she was wringing her hands, her body shaking.
           
“You two!” Cam’s mother had turned an unnatural shade of red. It would have been funny if not for the circumstances. “Get out of the water! Now!”
           
Cam was the first one out of the water. Her mom threw her a towel and then turned towards me, arms crossed.

I didn’t understand. Why was she ignoring Cam and looking directly at me?
Her earlier comment about my swim trunks surfaced in my mind.
           
“Hope Miller.” Her voice was laced with poison. “You know what you did.”
           
I flinched and looked away. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Brown, I—”
           
“Look at me, young woman,” she snapped, grabbing my arm. I winced, but complied. The anger in her eyes made my stomach turn. “I won’t have you influencing my daughter with your”—she gave me a once-over and grimaced—“unnatural inclinations.”
           
“But I—” I bit my lip. But I wasn’t the one who started it, I wanted to say. But I couldn’t throw Cam under the bus. I just couldn’t. And would she even believe me? I shook my head. “Nevermind. I’m sorry.”
           
“I am going to call your parents, and tell them to pick you up immediately.” She released my arm, giving me one last look of disgust before stalking away to the cottage.
           
I waited until the door swung closed before my knees gave out and I collapsed onto the ground. My sobbing shook my entire body.
           
Someone touched my shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw Cam standing above me.
           
“Hope…” she faltered. I wanted her to hold me. I wanted her to console me. I wanted her to say anything but— “You should pack your things before your parents get here.”
           
I threw her hand off my shoulder and ran towards the cottage. She didn’t follow, but I could hear her shout before I slammed the door.
           
“I’m the one who has to live with her!”
           
Well, I’m the one she’s blaming, I wanted to scream back. But she was outside and I was in here, with the door closed firmly between us. I shook my head and went up to my room.
           
An hour later, I came downstairs. The cottage was quiet, and Cam’s mom was nowhere to be found. I could just hear the faint, almost rhythmic sound of repeated splashing coming from outside. I peered through the window.
           
Cam stood at the dock with a large tote bag by her feet. She was grabbing something from the bag and throwing it into the water, over and over.
           
I walked outside, taking slow steps towards her. “Cam?”
           
She turned around and looked at me. Her eyes were red and puffy, tears still streaming down her face, but she smiled. “Hope. You wanna join me?” She gestured to the bag.
           
“Is that—”
           
It was filled with makeup. Lipstick. Foundation. Eyeliner. Stuff I didn’t even recognize. All belonging to Cam’s mother.
           
“I can’t.” I shook my head. I was already in too much trouble.
           
“Well, if she doesn’t want you to be yourself, why should we let her be who she wants to be?” Cam held out a tube of lipstick, expectant.
           
​I sighed, grabbed the lipstick, and flung it into the water. 

Cindy Xie is a second-year undergraduate student at Western currently majoring in Anthropology, with a minor in Jewish Studies. Cindy likes to channel emotions through poetry, having been on the exec team for Western's Spoken Word Society two years in a row, but also possesses a particular fondness for fiction.