Winter 2021 | Occasus | Issue 11.1

Snake

Snake is my pet. I call him Snake because he is a snake. He used to be yellow, but now he is green. Since Grandma is coming today, mom said that Snake had to stay in my room. 
 
Grandma is in my house now. She gives mom a hug and then looks at me. Her dried up hands leave mom and come closer to me. I push them away.
 
Grandma goes loud and red. Her face makes more lines. She says I am a bad boy.
 
“I think his problem is just that he isn’t getting any spankings!” Grandma yells.
 
“If Issac doesn’t want to hug you, then that’s ok.”
 
Mom is also red, but she is talking quietly.
 
Grandma’s eyes move around in a circle.  Mom and Grandma walk into the living room. Grandma looks around the room, and her face makes lines again. Mom sits down on the big blue couch, but Grandma doesn’t. She pushes some crumbs off the couch first before she sits down.
 
I like the big blue couch. When you sit on it, you fall deep inside the couch. Mom is deep inside the couch, but Grandma isn’t. Grandma looks like my lego men when I make them sit on the couch; she doesn’t sink in. She puts her purse on her lap and holds it with two hands. It looks like the picture mom showed me of her holding me when I was a baby.
 
“Hunny the house looks the exact same since the last time I came to visit! Didn’t you tell me you were going to eventually get rid of these navy couches and the green carpet too?” Grandma asks mom.
 
“Yeah, mom. Eventually”
 
“Well, the least you could do is move the couches, so we aren’t sitting directly in the sun!”
 
Grandma starts to drag the couch across the floor. The house fills with screams. The screams fill my ears and won’t let me breathe. It makes me scream too. I’m not safe. I need to escape the screams. I wave my arms and run. Doing this helps me get away from screams and makes me safe.
 
“What’s wrong with him?” Grandma yells. She is red again.
 
“Nothing mom. You were just too noisy.”
 
Mom walks over to me and puts her hand on my back.
 
“It’s ok, Issac. Please go take care of Snake.” she says quietly.
 
I run into my room to see Snake. I still hear Grandma in my room because she is loud. But her noise isn’t as loud as before, so I can still breathe.
 
When mom and I got Snake, he was yellow. The man at the pet store told us we had to be careful with Snake. His skin could be hurt if I wasn’t careful. I couldn’t pick up Snake until he came close to me. I had to pick him up slowly, and when he didn’t want me holding him anymore, I left him alone. This made him feel safe.
 
I am still careful with Snake. I let him slowly go up my arm when I put more food in his cage. I can hear Grandma being loud to mom in the living room.
 
“Jen, when are you going to do something about Issac’s outburst? Did you not read the book I sent you? It said that a family was able to help their son with essential oils. He’s basically normal now.”
 
“No, mom. I haven’t gotten to that either.”
 
“It said you just have to mix peppermint and lavender oil and rub it on his head twice a day. I’m sure you could still manage that.”
 
Mom got me Snake because I was doing a good job in our school. Mom teaches me. When mom was done teaching me, I used to watch her do her work on the computer and then we would go outside for a walk. Now when I am done school, I play with Snake. I can’t take Snake outside because he gets cold, so I play with him in the living room. It’s the biggest room in my house. Yesterday for school, mom and I counted how many toy dinosaurs could be in a line across the room. It was 10.
 
I can hear Grandma getting louder now. Mom is getting louder too now.
 
I hear mom yell “Mom Omega-3’s and Zinc isn’t going to do anything!”
 
“How would you know you’ve never tried.”
 
“Mom, drop it. If I want your opinion, I will ask for it.”
 
Grandma is quiet now. This is the first time I’ve heard her be quiet. I feel better now.
 
When mom and I got Snake, the pet store man said that he was a smart Snake. He said that Snake could catch food by being quiet and hiding. Snake’s food would go right past him, and Snake would catch it. The man said that not many people wanted snakes for pets because they didn’t know how smart they really are.
 
“People would rather buy some stupid cat that would just sleep all day.” he told me.
 
Grandma isn’t quiet anymore. But she isn’t talking about me.
 
“That’s your problem. Every time I tell you to do something, you do the opposite. Do you know how much more money you’d be making if you took the job in Toronto you were offered? Twice as much. I don’t get it.”
 
“Mom living up here is better for Issac and me. It’s quieter, and Issac has a big backyard he can play in.”
 
“Better for Isaac, maybe, but not you. Your whole world revolves around him! When was the last time you... I don’t know….met up with one of your friends or got some new clothes? Years probably!”
 
“Mom, you’re being too loud. Issac will hear you.”
 
“What does it matter? It’s not like he can understand anything that’s going on. You’ve been homeschooling him ten years now, and he can barely speak.”
 
Mom and Grandma are both yelling. This house is starting to fill with screams again. I shut my door to escape it, but it’s not working. The screams are in my room, too now, all around me. They fill my ears. I can’t breathe. I try to run in my room, but it’s not working. I’ve never heard screams this loud before. I remember Snake.
 
I remember one night hearing loud banging noises outside the house. Mom told me it was a thunderstorm. Every time I heard a loud bang filling my ears I didn’t feel safe. The noise made me scream. Before I started running, mom gave me Snake.
 
“Look, Issac, see how Snake is changing colour? He’s almost completely green!” she said.
 
“I want you to hold Snake and watch him go up your arm.” she told me. 
 
I just focused on Snake: how he stayed quiet, was changing colour, and how it felt when he was moving up my arm. When I was doing this, the noise became quieter, and I felt safe.
 
I am holding Snake again. I like the way it feels when he slowly goes up my arm. I can see that his skin is all green and he stays quiet. Some of the noise starts to leave my ear. I can breathe. I start to feel safe again.
 
I remember dad didn’t like Snake. He always made me keep him in my room. But I didn’t have to keep Snake in my room for very long. Dad filled the house with screams a lot. The screams made me not safe. I remember dad’s face would go red and make lots of lines every time I tried to make myself safe. But if I went into my room and made myself safe by holding Snake, dad’s face stayed the same.
 
I don’t know why dad didn’t like Snake. Dad wanted mom and me to get a dog like my cousins, but the dogs at the pet store wanted to jump on me. When mom and I came home with Snake, Dad didn’t fill the house with screams. He looked at mom and said, “I miss when things were normal.”  
 
Snake is helping me feel safe, but Grandma is still filling the house with screams. I leave my room and take Snake with me. He is slowly crawling up my arm. I focus on this.
 
“Wh-what is that thing?”
 
I look at Grandma and put Snake on her lap. I want her to look at his colour, how he slowly crawls and how he is quiet.
 
Grandma screams and throws Snake on the ground. I scream and run away to my room. 
 
“Maybe if you just had had him institutionalized like Brandon wanted you to you wouldn’t be in this mess!”
 
That is the last thing I hear Grandma say. My ears are too full of screams from mom and Grandma that I can’t hear words anymore.
 
I hear a door slam, and the noise stops. Mom opens the door and puts her hand on my back. Her face is still red but in spots. Her eyes look red too.
 
Mom gives me Snake and tells me everything is ok. As long as I have mom and Snake I know that I will always be safe.

Chloe Bachert is a first-year undergrad student who is majoring in kinesiology and is planning to minor in general English.